He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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