Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
two words...techno handjob
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize