we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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