You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
