i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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