So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
