dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
