i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
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