I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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