my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
