from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Oh god it's open bar.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
