I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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