if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
