I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
