I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
