We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I have fence marks all over my body
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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