my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
