grandma shit on top of the toilet
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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