Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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