nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It's never too late to be topless.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize