I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
