I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
