1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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