I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
should my penis look like a turkey
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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