Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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