I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Farmville is her only friend.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
