we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
