I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
