She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
