I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
