nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize