RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
