How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
