During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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