she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
