Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You're like the curious george of whores
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
