I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
