i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
