she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
