You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
