Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
