My hair reeks of homosexuality.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
