Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Houston, we have a squirter
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
