i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
