Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
