I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
