you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
