I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
