His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
