There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
