You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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