If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
