Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
When did angry sex become our thing?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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