If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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