I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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