Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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