just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
