well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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