Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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