Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
