Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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