At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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