..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
