Sponge bath it is.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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