I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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