you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
