I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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