Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
